My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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