How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who died my cat blue again?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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