My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
