So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
