I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
