i permit you to call me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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