I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
