I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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