Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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