A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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