were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
