i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
