I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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