WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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