my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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