I am midnight drunk by noon
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
