I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize