Im at strip club and am horny
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
