How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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