He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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