yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
