toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
