having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He did a backflip because drugs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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