How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
