i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
