i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
