I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want to make out with him forever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
