i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
