is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize