I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
