i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
