if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just googled if crying burns calories
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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