drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
