my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
