she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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