drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
