yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
