We won't sleep together?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
