Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
