i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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