He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
vagina is talking i cant
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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