I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
