I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
