I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
