i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
