you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
