Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
