You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
