Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
