Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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