i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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