I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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