I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
