Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
