so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
