I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
