i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
