Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
