He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
