you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
