And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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