I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize