I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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