Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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