she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
