Only a mothe r could love this liver
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
