she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
